Yogi Bhajan said that “the purpose of Kundalini yoga is transformation.”
There’s no way around it, and anyone who has practiced Kundalini yoga for a while can tell you it’s true. One area of life where Kundalini yoga is particularly effective is in relationships. Think about it. What is the one place where all of our neuroses tend come out? Being in such close physical and emotional proximity to another person brings many aspects of our personalities into sharp relief. Rather than becoming uncomfortable with aspects of our personality we don’t like, we can use the tools of yoga to heal ourselves of past issues and painful memories. Once recognized and healed, our relationships can prosper. Whether you are single and looking for “the one,” or you are in a relationship and want to elevate it, you can use Kundalini yoga for relationships with yourself and others.
Knowing is half the battle.
How are men and women different? What do men and women need from relationships? What advice did Yogi Bhajan have for couples? With the incredible amount of information available, it can be challenging to know where to start when trying to use Kundalini yoga to enhance yourself and your relationship. Nam Kaur Khalsa and Siri Atma Singh Khalsa have just released an amazing new book, Divine Relationships. This book is based on their decades of experience putting Yogi Bhajan’s teachings on relationships into practice. In the book they share information that will support you whether you are single, dating, newly married, or nearing your golden wedding anniversary. Use it as a guide to healing yourself, interacting with your partner in a healthy way, and keeping things fresh and exciting at any stage of your relationship.
Fix yourself. Fix yourself. Fix yourself.
My first exposure to Kundalini yoga was the So Purkh sadhana Spirit Voyage led. It came to me at a time in my life when I really needed something to help me in my relationship, and I have come back to the practice numerous times since. When I started it, I thought it was something I was doing for my partner, to help him (in other words, to change him). I quickly learned that I was the one who needed some fixing, and went through a profound period of healing and change.
Look honestly at yourself – we all tend to be aware of places where we can improve, whether it is in communication skills, developing patience, or being more fiscally responsible. Choose a kriya and meditation that speak to your particular needs. If you are single, this will help to prepare you for entering a healthy relationship. If you are already in a relationship, improving yourself can improve your relationship.
Involve your partner when possible.
I am guilty of being very private with my yoga practice. Sure my man knows I do yoga, but it’s MY thing. While it’s great to have personal time, yoga can be even more powerful when practiced as a couple. Mirabai Ceiba has a beautiful new album called Sacred Love Meditations, which is filled with tracks perfect for couples (and singles too!). Each track on the albums has a corresponding Venus kriya that you can practice with your significant other. When done from a state of love and consciousness, they can expand your higher centers and enhance your relationship powerfully.
Be careful to have a respectful attitude towards the Venus kriyas – they are never to be used for the purpose of controlling or manipulating your partner. If abused, Venus Kriyas can be harmful for both people.
No “magic bullet.”
There is no one formula for preparing yourself for romance, or for creating the perfect relationship. Each of us is different, with different karma, so person to person and couple to couple the process will be different. The meditation that one yogi raves about may leave you feeling cold. Let your intuition guide you to the practice you need.
One caveat – the one Kundalini yoga practice that is absolutely effective for everyone? Sadhana. Your regularly scheduled, daily practice. Whether it’s in the ambrosial hours or before bed at night, consistent practice helps to break unhealthy patterns and clear out blockages that are holding us back. Just like taking the antibiotics your doctor prescribes at regular intervals, doing your yoga daily allows the effects to accumulate more quickly.