by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes: Dear Brave Souls: Day 2. A Week of Prayer. Together. Mothers Alone…
I would invite you to pray with me, for all new mothers. Especially for those who are alone and afraid and those who are giving birth for the first time.
This time, I ask you to consider ACTIONs by you yourself, as the main prayers ongoing for lone mothers.
Thus, in action prayer: Dont ever hesitate to reach out to partner a young lonely mother, and walk with her, for short or long, as you are called, as she is called… and to gentle her in bringing her child into the world.
The mother could live on your road, or on a road across the world. There are millions of doorways to finding the lone mothers who are in challenge and need.
During the Gulf War a group of us acted as ‘surrogate’ husbands to so very young army family women whose hubbies had been deployed to the other side of the world. The young mothers to be were poor as church mice, the military entry positions back then paying about 12k per year, giving pitttance in housing allowance and lower prices for food and supplies at commisaries.
The call came ‘to help the mothers left behind, and that’s how I came to find myself belly to back in the alien to me, lamaze classes, embracing more than one dear young 9.5 months pregnant girl, with her and me hoo-hooing and haa–haa-ing a little like mad owls…lol. We literally all fell over like children’s tumble-toys, laughing hysterically.
The young mothers were so lonely and scared, far from their mothers and tias y abuelitas and big mamas, and knowing their babies would not see his or her father for many many months yet,
and as much unsure of how to take care of a baby once born.
We can help the mothers [and the fathers, nothing better than a grown man walking with the new father to be, before, but remaining fastened after long and long, if possible].
The care of a tiny one is pretty straightforward most often, but encouragement and care of oneself as new mommy and all the sudden fears and questions… deserve many hands, many ears to listen and to help.
Also, the how -to’s about how to take good care, best practices, for new mother’s heart, spirit, body, mind and soul, are as important… and often is exactly where a new young mother begins to flag. We can help with smiles, words like Good job, and You did that well, and What are your best instincts about this situation? and Good! and Try this, and Way to go!.
You could do this too. You call the local military base, the Veteran’s Hospitals, the wounded warrior foundations, the Social Service offices of counties and cities, and ask to be put in touch with those who are helping young mothers.
You could also write handwritten cards to a mother you know is alone. You could send a packet of sealed envelopes, one to open every week for several months. You could slip a 5 spot or a tenner into her pocket or purse. You could take walks together. You could tell uplifting birth stories of your own, if you have them. You could listen. Alot. you could tell jokes and laugh together. You could make a baby quilt. Together.
You can bless strangers.
Sometimes in grocery stores, in the dollar stores, I see a very young girl, perhaps 13 or 14 only, so very pregnant with the sacred basketball-sized belly under her hoodie and she looking unhappy, and her parents looking sullen and desultory as though everyone is tired of life and po-ed.
I take a deep breath, ask Holy Mother if it is alright to approach, and if She says yes, I do. What I might say varies, but I gently address the young mother, saying Ah, you are carrying very nicely, [I pat my own belly] you look good!
Inevitably, she smiles shyly. Often however, her parents glare at her. I can read their thoughts as though they are written in the air in icicles. They are embarassed and ashamed and angry at the turn of events. They feel responsible, and that their daughter is irresponsible and ‘bad,’ They feel they will have to use their already stretched resources to pay and pay to take care of their daughter and the baby. The father of the baby is AWOL. A lot of ‘we didnt raise you this way’ is flapping in the air. No one very much has asked the young mother about how she feels.
In this case, for those of you dear souls who have not yet approached this action praying: How To: though you speak with regard, first, to the young woman,y our real intention is to speak to the parents.
Either to let them overhear your loving comforts to their daughter, or to speak to the parents directly, always with understanding and compassion, always watching for the unsoftened scowl that means you ought bless down hard on them and move on your way. But most often the parents listen. And with relief, that someone, often older, has some perspective that helps.
However, consider this, for those of you who would like to bless strangers as called: Consider the moment, and ask Greater to lead you. Consider saying some version of this to the parents: Will this be your first grandchlid?
Often all will come pouring out then. I have silver hair. Most see me as abuelita/ grandmother or dotty old lady, lol.
And for certain, often the parents say right there, standing in the cleaning supplies aisle with me, with detergent on one side and paper towels on the other… what is on their hearts. Truly.
You can tell they often have no one to speak their hearts to. They think they are supposed to keep stiff upper lip and just soldier on. They forgot, for a bit, that there are souls in the world who might be ‘sent’ for just a small amount of time, to help define a better attitudinal course.
Regardless of the variations as they detail their fears which is often another word for heartaches that have not been realistically soothed by others; you can only hug yourself for so long.
I most often say the same thing in various ways depending on what seems to be the parents’ backgrounds ethnically and otherwise. I gently remind: Babies often come when they are meant to.On their timing, not ours. If we can we prepare to receive these little beings that are going to put their arms around our necks and suddenly we know we would die for them, that our love will never let them go– that looking forward to that, will lift us, for that is where the true heart and soul focuses– on the joy of and in a child.
I tell them, You will work this out, day by day, easy does it. You have been through a lot [they always always nod violiently, or look at the ceiling and say Yeah!] I gently remind that most of us appear not to have been ‘planned,’ that we too showed up as a big Surprise! And at times when nobody was ‘ready’. And that maybe that’s why babies take 9 months, so we can get ready-ier. That all will be well, that most important is to walk together in love, and mercy with each other, so we have good stories
to tell to the baby about the months before baby was born.
There’s more, but I always take my leave by blessing the whole family including the soon to be born baby. Almost always the little bewildered family blesses me back, a little less bewildered, and for certain, not feeling as alone, not as burdened. And it is my prayer, that an old woman who stepped out from the side of the road was able to plant seeds that might continue to grow; seeds of perspective and strength and mercy.
You can, as you feel called do this too. Especially as you grow older. Remember, we are not here to correct the world… that is an IMPOSSIBLE task. We are here to bless everything we can. We are here to bless every soul we can, as we are called.
“We old women are also here to interfere,” but that’s a prayer for tomorrow. lol
FOR THIS DAY AND ONWARD
For this day
and onward:
Help me be aware of,
look for, pray for
the mothers now,
and if called by Higher,
help me see how to
make prayer-action
in ways gently useful
but not intrusive.
For this day,
and onward,
help me see,
help me look for
mothers with challenges
of health; lone mothers
in lonliness;
those with babies on the way;
those with grown children
with challenges;
those who are carrying
timorously, perilously;
those who have lost a child;
those with deep motherly hearts
whether having children
from their bodies or not;
for any and all women
who love a child, including
four legged children.
The Child Spirit in us,
does not define ‘child’
as the overculture
defines a child.
The Child Spirit
defines Child
as a sacred Being.
For this day
and onward,
Let us hold
all mothers, motherlings,
madres y mamacitas
in our spirit arms
and pour kind prayer
over them.
—————-
Siempre. Together.
I love that you love my dear brave souls, that you are called to love so much and so many. When I travel high above the earth in my prayers, I see each of you as a fully lit fire blazing in the dark like the most beautiful streams of firelight crisscrossing the entire globe, cooking what needs cooking, warming what needs warming, burning away the dead and dry, open the way to so much good. I’m proud of you. Proud to walk with you. Utterly.
