by Dr Nikki Star Noce, M.D: Ever looked back on life and wonder why something happened?
At the time you couldn’t make sense of it or see the purpose. Perhaps you felt regret. Maybe later on you realized the important role it played in shaping you and your life. Maybe not.
Every part of the journey plays a significant role in creating our life whether we realize it or not. Especially the challenges. We have done things without knowing why and maybe we still don’t know why.
For each one of us the details are different, but the essence of the story the same. We have all experienced important life shaping events–moving across country, taking care of a sick family member, traveling the world, a toxic lover, having a baby, a torturous job, etc.
Every experience has been perfectly orchestrated and plays an equally important role in shaping the now.
Hence why there is never a reason to regret. If even one event happened differently, your today would not be as it is. These moments were lessons learned in becoming who you are.
Though we have free will to decide the course of our destiny, perhaps not all events are as random as we may think. If you look back in time can you see the connections between certain events? And of course there are happenings still left to be determined why.
I can share a part of my life as an example…
In November 2014, I returned from a social experiment about creating a new society. While being filmed 24/7, I had been isolated from the world with 14 other strangers from different walks of life. Some of you may remember my appearance on FOX’s Utopia.
It was one of the most physically and emotionally challenging experiences of my life. We slept on the floor. We were hungry. The environment wasn’t clean. It was brutally hot. There were many disagreements. Then after 66 days, the network decided to end the year long experiment early. (Part 1 & Part 2 of my experience.)
One part of me was elated because I yearned for the simple things–a hot shower, a comfortable bed, something soft to sit on, healthy meals without a debate. Another part of me was sad because we were not given the opportunity to show that indeed a new society could be created and that people from different backgrounds could come together to live in harmony with each other and Nature.
“What was the point of that?” I remember thinking. I couldn’t help but feel like I had failed my mission. Though trips to the Amazon jungle had prepared me for the poor living conditions, my health had suffered. Energetically I felt at an all time low. “All of that sacrifice for what?” I remember thinking. I believe in living in community as a way to enhance transformation and co-creation, but why did this experience have to be so hard?
Despite occasional pessimistic views on my experience in Utopia, there have been many positive things that came from the experience. The fan mail alone (which I still receive today) has made it worth the experience. Many people have thanked me for impacting their lives in a positive way simply by being an example and sharing my journey– eating healthy, doing yoga, meditating and spreading love. How interesting that just today I received a message from someone saying that since he saw me on Utopia he has lost 76 pounds and is the happiest he has ever been in his life thanks to my recommendations! Wow!
The past three months while living in Damanhur, a spiritual eco-community in Northern Italy, I discovered the true reason I was on Utopia.
I was assigned to live in a nucleo, or home, with 15 people from different countries, speaking different languages with ages ranging from 14 to 67. Talk about an international growing experience with unique individuals!
I was a bit concerned about how my new “family” would receive my food preferences because on Utopia I was shunned for my food habits. The pain of being outcasted on Utopia, especially for health related needs, taught me greater self acceptance and was a lesson in communicating my needs no matter the circumstance. I had to go through the pain of living with people who would not accept me on Utopia in order to learn greater compassion, patience, will power and appreciation.
Thankfully, there were people in my nucleo who were also dairy and gluten free. All of the food we ate was organic and much of the food was grown in our home or neighboring nucleos within the community. Some people even prepared special dishes for me labeled with my name and a heart. What a paradise!
I realized Utopia had prepared me for this communal living experience (and any living experience really) in a way that I could truly appreciate the beauty of coexisting in harmony with others. The Utopia experience also taught me that it is ok to be the unique person I am with specific needs.
Damanhur showed me that a new society full of love and compassion already exists! Maybe if I didn’t experience the challenges of Utopia I wouldn’t have been able to see all the gifts in Damanhur. In Damanhur I have found my Utopia.
This story is a precious example of how major life events (that even seem to go wrong) serve some very special purpose. Even if we still can’t see how or why in this moment of time.
There are still some major happenings in my life that I don’t fully understand the purpose of, such as becoming a doctor–especially after such a significant time and financial investment. When it comes time to pay my loans each month I often wonder, “Why exactly did I choose to become an MD when I no longer practice Western Medicine? To start my healing path? To allow me to see the current state of popular “healing” in the world?” My mind rambles on and on. Whatever the reason, I trust in the process of life and know all will be revealed in time.
