by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés: May peace be with you and with your heart. There is free will. And also, often, there is a destiny component to poor choices we make.From some of the worst of the worst, can come deep learnings, deep meanings… thus ‘failed’ matters ought not be attributed just to our naivete or lack of foresight/ insight, or perhaps injured instincts.
Even when a partnering in work, home, or love, or business did not work out, there is something larger than grieving it, and that is, learning about it– the how, why, when, where, who, what lies underneath, out of sight, unconsidered, necessary–
Thus learning, not just for oneself… but in order, also, to teach others… to light the lanterns for others who are also treading a dark, dark forest.
To any and all who find need of these words…
When knocked sideways more than once in a seeming dead reckoning repetition of something negative… it is good that one sit with someone wiser and loving… a truthteller who tells hard truths with soft edges. Tell such a person what’s happened to you. Listen to and follow their wisdom for you. No excuses. No more. None. Rather, now, only listening and learning. Trying new ways. Speaking your story, but taking in new. Often the more listening, the more learning. The more observing, the more insight. The more learning, the more New Life.
You know the saying, ‘same actions create same outcomes?’ To my mind, another way of saying this is… new life is built on learning, not on endless blind grieving.
I know it’s hard to turn gradually from grieving so hard, to learning bit by bit, building new life. To learn to trust onself again. It’s been and continues to be hard for all of us, each in our own way. There is no one on this earth who is not suffering, caring, straining, weeping about something…
Yet, for deep angers, disappointments, big hurts, jagged woundings, being burnt and more than once … the eventual remedy is learning to see, deeper and larger… in ways that bring consciousness yes, and also bring warmth to us each day, little by little, lifting us back into the most Loving Being we were born to be… rather than sitting endlessly in the ashes with no fire lit, a cold hearth.
The tending to the fire gracefully enclosed, the fully lit Life Force of Love, comes from us. Not from ‘out there.’ A woman who is healed is a formidable and sweeter than sweet soul, having her scars on the inside where they belong and her warmth for others on the outside where it belongs. Not the other way around.
We are all still working at this… some are a few steps farther along than others, some a few paces behind. This is fine. We all have different challenges, and we all learn quickly or slowly depending on what the challenge is.
There’s not a one of us who hasn’t bashed forehead against wall over same issue more than once, before finally being able to just stop, let go, and travel onward. Remember? from wwrwtw, “Tears are a river that take you somewhere… somewhere better.”
To love with little return is one of the ways of many human beings on earth, to keep trying to love even when clear one ought just stop and move on. This is not a failing however, but rather an extremely touching human trait of being dedicated to loving as much as one can, sometimes even when one senses or knows better.
Thus, with such a deep drive to love inherent, it takes time to process what is good and not good for the soul… and eventually, it is usually with great bewilderment and regret that one finally realizes that a certain idea or dream cannot be, and leans forward to row free of the wreckage, and onward.
As you know, none of us are alone, although surely it can feel like arctic wind across our bodies in the midst of summer. But, even if we were in prison, even if we were living in Antarctica, we are not alone in the world of souls. The world of souls cannot be imprisoned or isolated.
I dont ‘believe,’ I know that though we all have different challenges, we are all walking along together. All of us– the scraggly, unwieldy, passionate, strong, defenseless, brave, upbeat, sorrowful, strange, far-seeing, half blind, fiery, part-dim, beauteous, bountiful– all of these in just one single woman. You.
All of these traits in all of us. Every soul filled to the brim with radiant actualities. And further possibilities. Siempre. Always.
Peace be with you.
Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés
1. The communication above is here in order that it not scroll off the facebook page nor be buried in comments where I first posted it, having trouble posting the original without it disappearing (duendes, e-goblins)… so the person on fb whom I was writing it to, might have a better chance of seeing it in full here as fb collpases long comments to a few lines. Thank you B for making the original cry that so many have also made while treading forward on what I call ‘the zig-zag path.’ If others too, have need of these words, those souls are very much welcome here also.
2. The photo above is of a badly burned little koala bear who was caught in a horrible flash forest fire and who tried to escape by running across the burning ash, thereby having badly injured burns to his feet. The firefighter found him cowering by a tree stump and approached, bent down and offered a drink to the little guy from his water bottle.
It made me weep to see how the little creature trusted so much and put his little paw on the firefighters’ hand, not only that it occurred, but that others across the world could see it occur… that so many might see and thereby remember our true relationship– a soulful one– near and with creatures.
I knew I had to keep this story above the waterline, so there is my article about the Aussie firefighter and the little injured koala bear, which you can find here at themoderatevoice.com… a politics and culture blog where I am deputy managing editor and a columnist along with 20 other international journalists. Wait a few moments at that site for the youtube filmicito to load too. Creator bless us all.