As a psychiatrist, I work with my patients to help them grasp the energetic exchange between people —those who give energy, and those who drain it. Understanding how to generate the positive energy of attraction isn’t always easy, but once we transform our approach, we can realize our deepest dreams.
Though attraction is often linked to appearance, IQ, bank account, or charm, these aren’t enough to create a positive loving relationship. Once we truly realize that we don’t just want any old attention—we actually want theright kind of attention that will excite and nurture us—then we will attract that positive energy into our lives.
The level of attraction I’m referring to has to do with connecting with both our hearts and heads. This enhances the quality of energy we give off, which maximizes our chances of attracting the best people.
How can we harness positive energy to bring the best people and situations toward us? Be the change you want to see.
In other words, generate the kind of positive energy you want to attract.
To start, take at look at where you’re at now. Evaluate what being positive does and doesn’t mean in terms of attitude and behavior. Once you’re clear about this, you can strengthen these traits in yourself, and attract the same.
What sets positive people apart is a determination to do their best and not succumb to what’s negative in themselves or externals.
Here is how I see it:
Positive people are:
- Committed to developing compassion towards themselves and others, and having an open heart
- Courageous about following their dreams
- Those who seek to be authentic and believe in themselves, even when externals are crumbling
- Aware of their dark side and are trying to heal it
- Willing to learn from mistakes
Positive people aren’t:
- Perfect, phony, or positive all the time
- Beating themselves to a pulp over shortcomings or a black hole of pessimism
- Constantly mired in fear or tolerant of letting their hearts harden
- Squeaky clean do-gooders who neglect their own well-being.
- Saccharine pleasers who ignore their dark side and unconsciously act it out at the expense of others.
4 Strategies to Attract Positive People and Situations in Your Life
Energy doesn’t simply have an on-off switch. Just as a radio emits has a volume control, you can adjust your vibes. You can amp them up with some people, tone them down with others.
Here’s how to boost your positive signals:
1. Identify your best parts and speak from there.
Pinpoint your finest qualities. Perhaps irreverence, sensitivity, compassion, humor—then project them to the world. By speaking up and stepping out of your comfort zone you’re enlarging your energy field. Before meeting new people or going to important events, prime yourself by taking a break for an inner pep talk. Think, “I’m not going to focus on my insecurity but on a strength; I’m going to feel and trust the positive energy inside me. I’m going to claim my full power.”
Such a selective attention device puts your best parts front and center. Then, perspective shifted, it’s easier to confidently move forward. You can’t overdo this approach. Use it routinely.
Making a choice about where you’re coming from focuses your energy.
2. Extend love outward.
Love creates an irresistible charisma, a warm glow that makes us and others happy. You can send it in any situation, a nurturing that won’t drain us. How? Focus on your heart, and envision something you love. A flock of seagulls. Your son’s smile. A blooming rose.
Then, during a conversation, inwardly ask, “Let love flow through me.” Feel it rise from your chest; notice a sense of heat, serenity, a radiance. These energies move outward. People soften around it, feel safe, and want more. So, when standing by your boss start pumping away. Loving energy smoothes the rough edges of any circumstance, facilitates rapport.
Try it even if you don’t like someone, but seek to get along better.
3. Regularly Meditate
Happiness can be increased by meditating. Cutting edge brain research confirms that we all have a certain mood set point, a range of feelings we usually inhabit. But with regular meditation, it’s been shown that we can alter our habitual moods towards the positive.
In chapter 2 of Positive Energy I describe a simple but powerful 3 minute mini-meditation to open your heart center. Use this method. When feelings surface during meditation, monitor them. Focus on what’s uplifting, not the swirl of negative emotions. Use your breath to center yourself. This inner turnabout transmutes pessimism to something higher.
Your vibes will change and others will respond.
4. Commit to Emotional Housecleaning
Consistently chipping away at the negative makes room for more positivity in yourself. Self-awareness is our greatest ally against fear. Psychotherapy, introspection, meditation, journaling, and/or talking with friends all further healing. As negativity remits, you become more alluring.
Remember when doing this work not to hold idealized expectations, everyone has irritating/challenging/disappointing aspects—including yourself! We all have foibles.
Even so, you can legitimately hope to personify and attract others fighting their way out of the muck with an open heart and sense of humor.
These are my heroes and friends.
