by Ananda Giri: In an era where one’s attachment to a particular religion or religious leader 

is being replaced by dependence on a spiritual leader, it is essential that a spiritual leader functions with the utmost awareness and integrity.  We as spiritual seekers always have that choice; We can either look for a comforting idea that makes us feel psychologically secure, OR seek for a truth that may not be very comforting at first but will eventually set us free. If one claimed to be a spiritual leader holding such an important position of influence in the world today, I would expect the teacher to guide me to an extraordinary quality of living – rather than providing me with a momentary relief from my discomfort.

I would begin with some reflection on the question, “what is the role of a spiritual leader in today’s society?” Should we be content allowing the teacher to infuse in us an idea that brings us momentary comfort and gratification, OR should we expect the teacher to help us enquire in to a truth that will push our boundaries further and even further setting us free. Of course I can’t answer this question for all, but I am of the opinion that a spiritual leader must only be focused on guiding the seeker in the path of truth and freedom. Why would I take the assistance of a spiritual teaching or a teacher if all I wanted was some comfort? If I only wanted comfort I would look for it elsewhere. I don’t believe spirituality should be reduced to being a vehicle for one’s psychological comfort and significance. Spiritual wisdom from time immemorial has remained a means  to expand the horizons of one’s thinking, to experience FREEDOM IN LIVING and it should not be any different today.

It is my belief that a true spiritual teacher would not let me live in a constant hope of some freedom in the distant future. It is my belief that a true spiritual teacher should not be satisfied in merely keeping me secure at all times by constantly feeding my need for significance. It is my belief that a true spiritual teacher should encourage me to be skeptical. I most definitely believe that a true spiritual teacher would not increase my dependence on himself/herself. Like most religions, should spirituality too become a movement driven by fear and promise?

We all have a choice to make: namely, do I choose to address my emotional and spiritual challenges right now, OR do I choose to take refuge in a beautiful tomorrow? This elusive beautiful tomorrow that we believe might happen to us in the immediate future or in the distant future or in the very distant future or in the afterlife or in the future incarnations, may indeed never happen. Freedom is now or never.

It is already quite a well known fact that most human brains tend to take greater refuge in the teacher than the truth itself. This being the case, it becomes necessary that the teacher functions with even greater awareness and responsibility and not mislead the seeker by exploiting the innate tendency of the human brain that prefers the teacher over the truth. It is also the responsibility of the spiritual aspirant to be aware of the insatiable need for the gratification of one’s own (non-existent) self.

It is essential that you find a little Zen master for yourself, Someone that could support your quest for freedom by leading you through a process of awareness and honest inquiry. You need to find someone who can inspire you to be brutally honest with yourself. This Zen master could be anyone and from anywhere. It could be your closest friend, your partner, your teacher, your parent, your child or even some stranger. He or she must inspire you to live an extraordinary quality of life, and have the necessary compassion to be brutally honest with you in order to keep pushing your boundaries further and further. This someone must never allow you to settle for an ordinary existence that is merely driven by the need for safety, certainty, and significance. This someone must, with utmost sincerity, support your quest for freedom.

Have you found your Zen master yet?

I have found mine and he happens to be my very best friend and I feel so delighted to be in the company of this “brutal honesty”. If you are wondering why I call this man “the little Zen master”, it is not because he happens to be younger to me in age. It is also not because he is physically small in size, in fact he is bigger than most average Indians. To be honest, I don’t know why I call him that. Maybe it is my fond way of referring to my brutally honest friend, or maybe it is because of his refusal to assume the role of any master. Allow me to briefly share with you one of my encounters with this fearless man.

After a short trip to Milan, Italy in the summer of 2009 to participate in a seminar where my friend addressed a large spiritual gathering, I returned to California to speak at the annual spiritual conference happening at the Marriott hotel by Marina Del Ray. At the conclusion of the conference, I was planning to spend a day with my dearest friend who too was visiting Los Angeles after the convention in Milan. He stayed at a small serviced apartment on Manning Avenue overlooking the towering Mormon church located on the Santa Monica Blvd. I also brought with me a couple of people from San Francisco who have been wanting to meet my friend for a long time. They had driven all the way from San Francisco for this meeting. I had known this couple for many years by then, and they had often expressed a desire to meet with him. As the meeting drew near they began to look more and more desperate to see him. My friend was happy to meet with them as he had no previously fixed meetings for that afternoon. We walked up to the third floor of the apartment where my friend lived and gently knocked on the apartment’s door to announce our entry. This handsome looking young man opened the door, and welcomed us in with a warm smile.

The couple had been married for more than a decade at the time of this meeting, and all they did right now was spend most of their time and energy on planning how to save their marriage. The only thing that kept them together was their little six year old. There were no fights or arguments between them, but there was no relationship either. They were hoping this young man from India would be able to fix their relationship.  They briefly shared with my friend the conflicts they experienced in their relationships and kept repeatedly asking him for a quick solution. They asked him if he could pray for the conflicts in their marriage to be resolved.

And what do you think was this wise man’s response to their request?

He said, “If there is anyone who could help you, be sure it is yourself. Who would know you better than your own self? You should honestly ask yourself do you really want this relationship healed? If your answer is a yes, then you would have the necessary inclination to inquire in to all the meanings and stories running in your minds causing this conflict. If you really desire to bring love in to this relationship you will find a way. If you are trying to fix this marriage just because you believe in the idea of marriage, you feel scared or guilty about separating, or for other self centric reasons then no matter how much effort you bring in to healing this relationship you still haven’t even taken the first step. Healing becomes possible only when you are sensitive to the pain of the other and when you have acted from this place. All prayer, whether it is from me or from you would be useless if you haven’t even taken the first step. I must tell it to you again, who would know you better than your own self. In awareness, you will find the right answers to your problems”.

The real question is, do you really want this to work? Many a time when we say that we want a particular relationship healed, the kind of healing we look for is expecting the other to realize how wrong he/she was. There is not really much interest in taking the first step to resolve the conflict. The entire focus appears to be more in proving the other wrong or waiting for the other to feel guilty about his or her actions. What you really hope is for the other to change. If both people in a relationship are waiting, hoping, and expecting for the other to transform  you become bitter. It is very likely that such a relationship would eventually end in a break up after one has waited a long time for the miracle: namely, the miracle of the others transformation. Is this the kind of healing we are looking for or do we earnestly wish to rediscover the love that we once experienced in that relationship? If our desire is sincere should we then not inquire into our self as to what stories, meanings, and judgments run in our mind that prevent this love from happening. If the desire were sincere, one would stop blaming the other or wait for the other to change and instead look into oneself. For one to even begin this journey, it requires one to be utterly honest with oneself; To ask oneself the most difficult question “do I really want this relationship to work?”. If the answer is yes, then the journey to transformation has already commenced and a new love shall be discovered in the relationship. This was the very exact question my friend asked the gentleman who kept pleading for a miracle. He asked him the question that the man had no courage to ask himself.

I was fascinated with my friend’s response. It may appear brutal to some, but what I saw there was a fearless compassion. Of course compassion has to be fearless, it cannot be rooted in calculation. The couple deeply appreciated the honesty of my friend and left the room in quiet contemplation.

After the couple had left the room, we rested a bit before we headed to a nearby Mexican restaurant for some spicy food. On our way to the restaurant I very casually asked him a question “what do you think happens to us after death”. Although I say it is a casual question, I knew in my heart that it was not a casual one. I had to ask this question because it bothered me. I wanted to find the right answer and i was hoping that my friend might have it. While I hoped for an answer, he responded to my question with another question “why is it so important for you to know what happens upon death”. I was utterly shocked with his response. It is true, why did I care to know so much as to what happened to me in the afterlife? Why was it important to me? Was I really looking for the truth or was I only interested in an answer that assured me of my existence in the afterlife. Was I actually seeking to find an honest answer or an assurance for my continuity in the hereafter?

No one had ever asked such a question to me previously. It was one of the most profound questions I had ever been faced with and at the same time a profound answer too. In staying with this question, I felt a peace like I had never felt before. You may be wondering why and how could this question bring such peace. I will leave it for you to enquire in to it yourself.

I saw true honesty, brilliance and compassion in my little Zen master’s response.

I believe it requires a mind that is tremendously attentive in order for that brilliant perception to happen.
I believe it requires a mind that is tremendously attentive in order to be brutally honest with oneself or another. Such honesty, I believe, is possible only when one is in observation of one’s imagined fears, insecurities and the various other reactions in the mind.

I believe it requires a mind that is tremendously attentive in order for compassion to happen for I believe such compassion is possible only when one has realized the stupidity of any kind of attachment to one’s self (the nonexistent self).

I do believe that a mind so aware is naturally brilliant, and a brilliant mind is naturally capable of love. A brilliant mind and a beautiful heart is what I see in my “little Zen master”. My interactions with him have in many ways transformed my way of thinking. I now feel more peace than ever.