by Sonia Choquette: So often, we get trapped in a relationship with ourselves that doesn’t reflect who we truly are…

We build lives that may start off with good intentions, but after a while, we find ourselves drifting through life as someone we don’t even recognize. If you’ve ever taken a look at yourself and your life and asked “Who is this?” or “How did I get here?” or “How am I going to get out of this?” you probably know what I’m talking about.

Usually, when talking about relationships, we’re talking about something that happens between two people. However, the most important relationship we can have is internal—between our own authentic spirit and us.

The most important relationship we can have is internal…

Building a good relationship with your authentic spirit starts with a few questions: Does your life reflect who you really are, or who you want to be? Are you allowing your true self to show? If not, you might want to consider making some personal changes.

Change is an Opportunity

At any moment, you can make the decision to change directions and start to reconnect with your spirit. It will take a lot of work, but I promise that it will be so worth it in the end. Take a look at your life, and if it doesn’t reflect who you really are, make the choice to change directions.

Often, we outgrow our commitments or habits that we made years ago without realizing it. These commitments and habits shape our lives over time, and we lose sight of our true selves. Consider this your invitation to wake up, and ask yourself to allow your authentic spirit to truly shine through again.

Focus on Your Feelings

Over time, we often learn to take care of others before we consider ourselves. As life passes, we fall into a rut where we forget about ourselves completely and focus solely on the needs and wants of those around us. This can become an incredibly draining way to live, and before you know it, you’re unhappy and don’t feel like yourself, and you don’t really know why. In connecting to your authentic self, you need to learn when and how it is appropriate to care for others, and when it’s time to step back and care for yourself.

Be honest with yourself, and sooner or later, you’ll begin to remember your true passions and desires.

As a woman, I often get caught up in accommodating others and going with the flow instead of expressing myself. In the last few years, I’ve gone through a lot of changes. I lost my whole identity, and at first it felt awful. However, I realized it was an opportunity for me to remember who I really am, outside of taking care of everyone else. I was able to remember who I really wanted to be.

One way to start is simply to take note of your own feelings. Ask yourself how you feel, and then write it down. The answer might not be easy at first, but with practice, you’ll learn to recognize your true feelings. A good way to practice is to start a journal and record your own thoughts and feelings every day. Write down what you really want. This is important: it is easy to know what you don’t want, but sometimes we’re so disconnected from what we actually do want, we’ve lost sight of it completely. Write it down. Be honest with yourself, and sooner or later, you’ll begin to remember your true passions and desires.

Learn to Express Yourself

Have you got into the habit of just “going with the flow?” If so, maybe it’s time to take a step back and remember what you wanted in the first place.

Take note of what you really want, and who you really want to be. Have you always dreamed of being an artist? Do you really love gardening? It doesn’t have to be big, but find something that is truly and authentically you. Rediscover your passions and find a way to get back into them. If you have no idea what your passions are anymore, make a list. Try out some things and really dive into connecting with yourself. What feels right and natural? Pursue that.

What feels right and natural? Pursue that.

Simply becoming more aware of how you act around others and how often you accommodate them without regard for yourself will help you make the changes necessary for a happier, more fulfilling life.

Once you make note of your own feelings and wants, act accordingly. After you ask yourself these questions, take the steps that will lead you in that direction. Taking these steps is so worth the effort, and will really start healing your life.

Stop Denying Your Creativity

When you take a step back and ask: “Who am I? Am I making choices that allow who I really am to express myself?” Give yourself the opportunity to take back your passions and express your true, creative self again.

Put the work in, and doors will begin to open.

A big part of connecting to your authentic spirit is finding your inner creativity, whatever that looks like for you. You have the choice to be creative every single day. It can be as simple as writing a short poem in your journal or as big as taking the steps to open your own bakery, but whatever it is, the choice is yours. Buy yourself some watercolors or take a pottery class—whatever you need to connect to your true passions and desires.

Did you start out in life wanting to be an artist, but now are in an unfulfilling or mundane job that doesn’t allow you to be creative in your day-to-day? Only you can make the choice to get your art back. Grab those pencils or paints, your camera, or whatever materials you need, and remember that it is your choice to be creative. Even if you can’t quit your day job right away, you still have the opportunity to express yourself and work on your art again.

Put the work in, and doors will begin to open. Given the opportunity, your true self will begin to shine through, and bring you back to who you truly are.