by Donna Quesada: There’s a Yogic saying: Be kind to everyone, as everyone is fighting a battle that you know nothing about.
Whether it’s physical, psychological, chemical, mental, familial, financial, legal or political… it seems no one gets out of here without surmounting some private struggle… or many of them.
I used to take my dear dancer friend to her appointments for an experimental procedure meant to assuage her extreme back pain caused by herniated discs. She endured painful injections with hideous long needles as an alternative to surgery, with the hope that she could continue to dance—because dance is her one true love in life. As for me, I’m lucky if I can watercolor for more than 20 minutes these days, due to my chronic neck pain. If we allowed ourselves a moment of victim consciousness, we might be tempted to rail against the universe for foiling us in our most beloved pursuits. We might imagine that our bodies were somehow conspiring against us. If only our bodies would do what we wanted them to do… if only we had a switch for basic functions, like sleep… another personal challenge I have written and spoken about many times.
And what about all of those people for whom pastimes, like painting and dancing are mere pipedreams… because their days are spent merely trying to survive. They were born in the wrong place at the wrong time, or they were born to the wrong family, and they live in danger and fear and constant worry over getting basic needs met. Or… there are those who’ve lost loved ones to horrible wars, or who have dealt with serious mental illness or have been maimed. It goes on and on. Buddha said it most simply… Life is suffering.
And very often we struggle in solitude, for fear that no one understands, or because of unfounded embarrassment. We think things like… I should’ve beat this by now, or, I should know better, or, I have too much wisdom to still be dealing with this, or, I should have more willpower than I do, or a million other “shoulds.”
But the point is not to bemoan our sorrows or beat ourselves up for having them. It is to extend compassion to each other.
Yesterday when I was walking my dogs on the next block, I saw a neighbor sitting in his garage. We’ve waved to each other several times because he’s often out there listening to rock ‘n’ roll. This time he was listening to country music, so I commented on it. I told him that I enjoy country music sometimes, and that it reminds me of road trips. He loved that and cheerfully agreed. We shared a moment. I know from a brief conversation we had in the past that his wife has a serious illness and that he is her only caretaker, so those moments in the garage are his only respite these days.
Perhaps our lesson is not so much to surmount or overcome anything, but rather to simply make life a little easier on each other. To have compassion for each other because that’s what really makes life beautiful… It’s those simple exchanges. It’s a smile or a kind word. And the whole day feels different. We discount the healing power of simple kindness, or of simply extending an ear.
