by Henry Chester Gellis: The remnants of childhood can be brutal because of other people’s physical and verbal abuse.
Millions of people still carry these emotional scars into adulthood and deal with them every day – consciously or subconsciously. For those who are still knowingly struggling, please try to answer the following questions while in a relaxed, calm state. What is your self image? Do you have problems with your self-esteem?
“Never give up. No matter what is happening. No matter what is going on around you, never give up.” Dalai Lama
I grew up with a father who was verbally and physically abusive. Because he was so unpleasant, I kept my distance and was very rebellious. Although he had some good advice, I didn’t pay attention because of the way he said it. My Mom, on the other hand, was unconditionally loving, and I always had a loving and open relationship with her.
Were you ever told by a parent that you would never amount to anything, or that you were stupid? Were you ever told that you were fat, or so ugly that you would be lucky to find a significant other? Did your classmates make fun of you, pick on you, or outright bully you? Were you abused by a family member, a clergyman, or a Boy Scout leader?
If you’re still dealing with emotional scars from childhood, realize this has nothing to do with who you really are as a person. Any anger or abuse from a parent is a reflection of their own deficiencies. They strike out verbally or physically because they lack the skills to resolve the incident through loving communication and understanding. They were inexperienced and ignorant of other, more conscious ways, of dealing with the situation.
There are many powerful healing modalities that help to remove the scars left behind by these sorts of abuses, such as meditation and Yoga. There are also very good therapists that specialize in abuse, if you feel that would be helpful in your healing journey. The most important take-away here is that abuse is never the fault of the abused. And with the help of whichever healing practice feels right to you, you can liberate yourself from the suffering left behind by abuse. The sooner the trauma is dealt with, the sooner you can find the path to fulfillment and a better life.
“What you think of me is none of my business” ~Terry Cole-Whittaker
It took me many years to finally tell my Dad that all he did was criticize me. I asked him “how would he like to be criticized every day of your life?” I told him off and raised my voice just like he did. I was 25 years old at the time. From that day forward, my Father never criticized me again.
My conclusion from that experience, is, that we must speak up for ourselves and let our voices be heard because fear will eat away at us. It literally kills our spirit.
To wake up in the morning and be filled with gratitude for who you are is a wonderful feeling. My message to you is that if you are not able to experience that feeling yet, please know in your heart that you can. You can regain your self-confidence and self-esteem by simply realizing that you are still echoing someone else’s warped image of you.
Although we’ve all heard it said, we forget this most essential point: It doesn’t matter what other people think… the only thing that matters is what you think of yourself. Believe in your God-given potential and know that, as Neal Donald Walsh said, “there is nothing you cannot do, there is nothing you cannot have, there is nothing you cannot be.”
If you are someone who has made all the right moves with passion, motivation, and are living your dream, you are certainly one of the lucky people who had the discipline, as well as the courage of your convictions needed, to reach your goals. Naturally, this applies to your home life, as well as your social relationships.
However, this does not mean that you have reached your full potential, even though everything has seemingly gone according to schedule. A healthy existence has to do with balance and putting the proper amount of time and energy into each area of your life. No one can do everything perfectly – but I have found that among the first priorities are health, family, career, and leisure time.
Perhaps you are already successful and financially independent, but you want to contemplate your distribution of energy in the different areas of your life, and whether the possible imbalances are causing stress and backlash… So, as an example of this process, some questions to mull over might be: At what price has this success come? Do you have time for your family and other important people in your life? Are you drinking too much or developing a reliance on drugs? Are you having an extramarital affair? How are your stress levels? Have you been making time to maintain a healthy diet and to exercise? Do you make time to get out in nature? Do you have time for your own hobbies?
Right now is always the right time to make a decision for yourself that will change the course of your life. Is there a better time than the present moment to realize that you were living in an illusion, filled with confusion and doubt? The most important thing to remember is to keep your eye on the prize every day so that you stay aligned with your goals.
When you’re feeling down, depressed, or have no energy, remember… This is only temporary! In the meantime, there are many techniques that neutralize negativity when it arises. For example, the power of simply taking a moment to do some intentional breathing can change the direction of your day. Meditation is a proven method to calm the whole system down. Taking a walk around the block or using a stationary bike for ten minutes are tried and true methods for jumpstarting our energy and refreshing our outlook.
Although it may seem wacky, try looking in the mirror, straight into your soul, and say to yourself, “I love myself; I am a perfect human being who will contribute to all of humanity.” What is it that you most want to happen in your life? We hardly blink, and a year passes by — don’t let another one slip through without the results or change you desire. Wasn’t it last year, or perhaps the year before, that you promised yourself you would do certain things?
Do you want to miss another opportunity, as the aimless days pile up like a mound of sand? Yell out what you most want… let the universe be your witness. Let yourself get excited to see the outcome and start today. No more waiting or procrastination! As Werner Earhart said, “Do, be, and have.”
Now is the moment.
On the flip side of the coin, if you were supported and loved by your parents and the people around you, and you came from a loving family who supported you emotionally and financially when necessary, you are blessed. With such experience, you may not have to fight old demons like others, who may have been less fortunate. A great way to thank your parents is to pay it forward to your family and friends with the same love and support.
